Just thought I would provide an update on this.
ITS FIXED
So I bought a the Power Probe III, nice tool only I didn't get to use it on my starter motor.
I had previously bought a new battery from Halfrauds and attempted to start the beast with it, no joy, so I tried numerous variations of battery off my co' car (lol), new battery, without success, I did get ignition lights but that's it. I suspected the attempted car starts drained my new battery so as I already had a CTEK battery charger it made sense to charge the new battery fully and try again
Oddly (or not) the new battery wouldn't fully charge and never got past '4' on the charger - it should get to '7'. So basically the new battery wouldn't hold a charge.
Foolishly, I didn't think much of it because it was still reading 12.5v. As the starter wouldn't turn over my last ditch attempt to get the beast running was to power probe the starter motor. My shiny new Power Probe III arrived and I was keen to get to the starter and give it a go. I needed to jack the car up to get access to the starter so it was back to Halfrauds for some decent axle stands and wheel chocs, oh and while I am there I may as well return the battery as it has a 5 year guarantee.
Halfrauds tested the new battery, 5.4V, ran a quick test and nada, zilch, kapoot, yes a useless battery. I can't imagine me trying to start the beast with it would kill it as its brand new and should be able to fully recharge and hold that charge right? Anyway I got my axle stand, chocs and another new battery which I made him charge and test before I took it home.
first thing was to put the new battery on and test, nothing. In fact worse, I now had no lights whatsoever, just interior lights nothing on the ignition etc so after connecting my CTEK charger to the new battery I carried on with the starter motor plan.
I took the passenger side wheel off, took the cover off and could just about see the alternator, no sign of the starter. I checked the battery and it had got to '6' already on my CTEK which was good, not seen that before!
Anyway, I started testing all my fuses with the Power Probe and they were all fine. I was reading a thread on AudiWorld for no crank and some guys were talking about locking and unlcokin the doors with the key and retry so I was messing with the key opening and closing the doors and I thought I'd try again.
I put the key in, turned the key and all the lights came one, I mean every light!!! doors open, bonnet, boot open lights etc I mean every single light on the beast came on! Time to try a start so I turned it over and low and behold THE STARTER TURNED OVER
I didn't want to kill it so I left it for 5 mins before trying again and you guessed it - the beast roared into life
VCDS done and apart from the EPB which I know about, all good so after I have taken it for a clean and a riiipppp round the motorways its off for a MOT
Thanks to everyone who shared info on this and shared my pain
THE END!