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#1
3rd May 2011, 06:37 AM
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A Tuesday funny
An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.
They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. 'How do you feel about sex?' he asked, rather tentatively. 'I would like it infrequently' she replied. The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered - is that one word or two?' 
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#3
3rd May 2011, 09:12 PM
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Rotflmao
__________________
Conan (the Librarian) Watch it if you dare Currently, 2000 S8, Merlin Purple, Leather Pack 1, Winter Pack 1, SPAX adjustable suspension, AP Racing 6 pot front caliper, 385mm fully floating disks, EBC Yellow Stuff Pads, Black Diamond grooved rear disks and predetor pads, D2 Doctors Brake Block. 1997 4.2 A8SQ - the Projekt. 12 years and ongoing! 1997 4.2 A8SQ - Ming Blue. Restoration sat waiting; saved from the Scrapyard 2003 C5 Allroad 4.2Q - Cobolt Blue. Towing car. Laid up awaiting manual conversion. 2005 C5 Allroad 2.5TDi FE - Grey - Workhorse. 2015 Q3QS SLine - Daytona Grey. Lots of extras! Long Haired Admirals cutter. Previously 2003 C5 A6 1.9TDI FWD - Loaner from D2 Doctor Lifex 1997 S8 - Ming Blue. Loaned out and written off. I loved that car. My first engine swap after cambelt failure. 1996 4.2 A8SQ - Ming Blue. 178k on a cambelt! Trader's 8. Delivered to A8Parts at Lifex. 2003 2.8 A8SQ - powder blueish. Fill in for a while. Sold on. 1998 1.8T A4 Avant FWD. Ming Blue (there's a theme here), PEX for the 97 S8. And a list of non VAG going back 40 years before I saw the light. 
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#4
10th May 2011, 11:43 AM
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A bloke is in a queue at the Supermarket when he notices that the rather dishy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him.
He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and although familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says, "Sorry do you know me?" She replies, "I maybe mistaken but I thought you might be the father of one of my children!" His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful: "Christ!" he says "are you that strippogram on my stag night that I sha**ed on the snooker table in front of all my mates whilst your mate whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my ar*e? "No" she replies, "I'm your sons' English Teacher" 
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#5
10th May 2011, 03:01 PM
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faf roflmao
__________________
Conan (the Librarian) Watch it if you dare Currently, 2000 S8, Merlin Purple, Leather Pack 1, Winter Pack 1, SPAX adjustable suspension, AP Racing 6 pot front caliper, 385mm fully floating disks, EBC Yellow Stuff Pads, Black Diamond grooved rear disks and predetor pads, D2 Doctors Brake Block. 1997 4.2 A8SQ - the Projekt. 12 years and ongoing! 1997 4.2 A8SQ - Ming Blue. Restoration sat waiting; saved from the Scrapyard 2003 C5 Allroad 4.2Q - Cobolt Blue. Towing car. Laid up awaiting manual conversion. 2005 C5 Allroad 2.5TDi FE - Grey - Workhorse. 2015 Q3QS SLine - Daytona Grey. Lots of extras! Long Haired Admirals cutter. Previously 2003 C5 A6 1.9TDI FWD - Loaner from D2 Doctor Lifex 1997 S8 - Ming Blue. Loaned out and written off. I loved that car. My first engine swap after cambelt failure. 1996 4.2 A8SQ - Ming Blue. 178k on a cambelt! Trader's 8. Delivered to A8Parts at Lifex. 2003 2.8 A8SQ - powder blueish. Fill in for a while. Sold on. 1998 1.8T A4 Avant FWD. Ming Blue (there's a theme here), PEX for the 97 S8. And a list of non VAG going back 40 years before I saw the light.
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