How to Give a Cat a Pill

[Conan_the_Librarian]

How to Give a Cat a Pill
1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby.



Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth.

Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.



Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.



4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand.



Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.



Call spouse in from the garden.


6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws.



Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.


7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail.


Get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit.



Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans and drink one beer to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.



10. Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed.



Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.


11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink.



Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.


12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from the top of the tree across the road. Apologize to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.



Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Using heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed, tie the little *&#%^'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.


14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.



15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.



How To Give A Dog A Pill

1. Wrap it in bacon.

2. Toss it in the air.

[Just_Ben]

I love this forum!!!!!

[Night Train]

Nice one Mike!

This really made me giggle, and indeed struck a chord....

I've got 10 of the little buggers, including 2 that have to be bathed regularly despite having NO hair - that's hilarious!

[A8L Chick]

I know I have come to this thread late-but it has made me chuckle.

I must be very lucky with my cat Duke. He simply just swallows worming pills.

Diesel (my Doberman) on the other hand..it a "little" sod... I have to literally shove my whole hand (+pill) down his throat..

[Conan_the_Librarian]

Thought I would bump this.....

[aTOMic]

Although the first post is quite entertaining, in case someone stumbles across here via a web search for actual veterinary advice, I think we owe it to them to supply the correct answer. My cousin is a veterinarian, so I am qualified to reply. Also my sister-in-law is a vegetarian and part-time vagitarian.

Medication administration (oral route) to the feline animal:
1) Determine caliber of pill. (using calipers; 0.30 inch = ".30 caliber", etc.)
2) If approximately a convenient air gun caliber (there are many), borrow said weapon from whichever friend thinks it's superior to yours. Insert pill into breech of air gun (using wadding if necessary); place muzzle gently into kitty's mouth.
3) fire the pill into her little tum-tum. Some burping/bleeding will occur (from both ends) and is to be expected. Fluffy will clean it up.

The (seriously) correct method is to hold cat's mouth open with its head held vertically and drop the pill onto the back of its tongue; then, while holding its mouth closed, stroke its neck from chin toward chest as forcefully as is comfortable (for the animal) until it swallows. Works on dogs, too, including well trained K9s who would never eat anything unless deliberately handed the morsel by its handler, who should be the only one to administer oral meds to the dog.

###fin###

Questions brought to mind by this thread: What was A8L Chick's previous username?
Why are there only cabs ($20 to the center of Nashville from here, 17 miles/30 minutes, for instance) or limos (stretch, ostentatious, smell like wedding vomit; cost: $80 for the same trip with a 2-hour minimum, so ~$200) in the US?
What do the female members of this forum look like? Does owning two A8Ls make one twice as sexy? If so count me in, as I've got a pair! (of A8Ls).

-Tom

[David's8]

Originally Posted by aTOMic

Although the first post is quite entertaining, in case someone stumbles across here via a web search for actual veterinary advice, I think we owe it to them to supply the correct answer. My cousin is a veterinarian, so I am qualified to reply. Also my sister-in-law is a vegetarian and part-time vagitarian.

Medication administration (oral route) to the feline animal:
1) Determine caliber of pill. (using calipers; 0.30 inch = ".30 caliber", etc.)
2) If approximately a convenient air gun caliber (there are many), borrow said weapon from whichever friend thinks it's superior to yours. Insert pill into breech of air gun (using wadding if necessary); place muzzle gently into kitty's mouth.
3) fire the pill into her little tum-tum. Some burping/bleeding will occur (from both ends) and is to be expected. Fluffy will clean it up.

The (seriously) correct method is to hold cat's mouth open with its head held vertically and drop the pill onto the back of its tongue; then, while holding its mouth closed, stroke its neck from chin toward chest as forcefully as is comfortable (for the animal) until it swallows. Works on dogs, too, including well trained K9s who would never eat anything unless deliberately handed the morsel by its handler, who should be the only one to administer oral meds to the dog.

###fin###

Questions brought to mind by this thread: What was A8L Chick's previous username?
Why are there only cabs ($20 to the center of Nashville from here, 17 miles/30 minutes, for instance) or limos (stretch, ostentatious, smell like wedding vomit; cost: $80 for the same trip with a 2-hour minimum, so ~$200) in the US?
What do the female members of this forum look like? Does owning two A8Ls make one twice as sexy? If so count me in, as I've got a pair! (of A8Ls).

-Tom

I am nor sure what the drink of choice is down in Tennessee but I think you ought to try giving it up Tom. You have a seriously disturbed mind

....and I guess A8L Chicks previous name would be A8L Egg? We have not heard from her for a long time so I guess she would be a hen now. (a scottish joke).

[The_Laird]

Now I've stopped laughing, I feel obligated to point out that 'scotch' is whisky without an 'e'. Whiskey (with an 'e') is usually reserved for the Irish variant!