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#1
2nd May 2011, 06:52 AM
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A Monday Funny
Banned from Sainsbury's
Didn't like shopping there anyway Yesterday I was at my local Sainsbury's store buying a large bag of Winalot dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Winalot Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 2 stone before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. I'm now banned from Sainsbury's. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.
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Conan (the Librarian) Watch it if you dare Currently, 2000 S8, Merlin Purple, Leather Pack 1, Winter Pack 1, SPAX adjustable suspension, AP Racing 6 pot front caliper, 385mm fully floating disks, EBC Yellow Stuff Pads, Black Diamond grooved rear disks and predetor pads, D2 Doctors Brake Block. 1997 4.2 A8SQ - the Projekt. 12 years and ongoing! 1997 4.2 A8SQ - Ming Blue. Restoration sat waiting; saved from the Scrapyard 2003 C5 Allroad 4.2Q - Cobolt Blue. Towing car. Laid up awaiting manual conversion. 2005 C5 Allroad 2.5TDi FE - Grey - Workhorse. 2015 Q3QS SLine - Daytona Grey. Lots of extras! Long Haired Admirals cutter. Previously 2003 C5 A6 1.9TDI FWD - Loaner from D2 Doctor Lifex 1997 S8 - Ming Blue. Loaned out and written off. I loved that car. My first engine swap after cambelt failure. 1996 4.2 A8SQ - Ming Blue. 178k on a cambelt! Trader's 8. Delivered to A8Parts at Lifex. 2003 2.8 A8SQ - powder blueish. Fill in for a while. Sold on. 1998 1.8T A4 Avant FWD. Ming Blue (there's a theme here), PEX for the 97 S8. And a list of non VAG going back 40 years before I saw the light. 
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#2
2nd May 2011, 09:41 AM
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Brilliant!!
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#4
25th July 2011, 07:08 AM
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__________________
Conan (the Librarian) Watch it if you dare Currently, 2000 S8, Merlin Purple, Leather Pack 1, Winter Pack 1, SPAX adjustable suspension, AP Racing 6 pot front caliper, 385mm fully floating disks, EBC Yellow Stuff Pads, Black Diamond grooved rear disks and predetor pads, D2 Doctors Brake Block. 1997 4.2 A8SQ - the Projekt. 12 years and ongoing! 1997 4.2 A8SQ - Ming Blue. Restoration sat waiting; saved from the Scrapyard 2003 C5 Allroad 4.2Q - Cobolt Blue. Towing car. Laid up awaiting manual conversion. 2005 C5 Allroad 2.5TDi FE - Grey - Workhorse. 2015 Q3QS SLine - Daytona Grey. Lots of extras! Long Haired Admirals cutter. Previously 2003 C5 A6 1.9TDI FWD - Loaner from D2 Doctor Lifex 1997 S8 - Ming Blue. Loaned out and written off. I loved that car. My first engine swap after cambelt failure. 1996 4.2 A8SQ - Ming Blue. 178k on a cambelt! Trader's 8. Delivered to A8Parts at Lifex. 2003 2.8 A8SQ - powder blueish. Fill in for a while. Sold on. 1998 1.8T A4 Avant FWD. Ming Blue (there's a theme here), PEX for the 97 S8. And a list of non VAG going back 40 years before I saw the light.
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#6
25th July 2011, 01:33 PM
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sounds like it's about time I retired...
 good one Mike!
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Present: S4 B8 avant, fully loaded, MRC Stage2, Milltek non-res, KW springs Past: S8 D2 FL, S2 ABY coupe, RS6 C5 saloon, RS4 B7 saloon, S4 B5 saloon, S4 B6 avant, all gone but not forgotten
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#7
25th July 2011, 05:18 PM
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It was a fella selling a chad watch his cheating girlfriend had given him. V V Funny!!!
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Conan (the Librarian) Watch it if you dare Currently, 2000 S8, Merlin Purple, Leather Pack 1, Winter Pack 1, SPAX adjustable suspension, AP Racing 6 pot front caliper, 385mm fully floating disks, EBC Yellow Stuff Pads, Black Diamond grooved rear disks and predetor pads, D2 Doctors Brake Block. 1997 4.2 A8SQ - the Projekt. 12 years and ongoing! 1997 4.2 A8SQ - Ming Blue. Restoration sat waiting; saved from the Scrapyard 2003 C5 Allroad 4.2Q - Cobolt Blue. Towing car. Laid up awaiting manual conversion. 2005 C5 Allroad 2.5TDi FE - Grey - Workhorse. 2015 Q3QS SLine - Daytona Grey. Lots of extras! Long Haired Admirals cutter. Previously 2003 C5 A6 1.9TDI FWD - Loaner from D2 Doctor Lifex 1997 S8 - Ming Blue. Loaned out and written off. I loved that car. My first engine swap after cambelt failure. 1996 4.2 A8SQ - Ming Blue. 178k on a cambelt! Trader's 8. Delivered to A8Parts at Lifex. 2003 2.8 A8SQ - powder blueish. Fill in for a while. Sold on. 1998 1.8T A4 Avant FWD. Ming Blue (there's a theme here), PEX for the 97 S8. And a list of non VAG going back 40 years before I saw the light.
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