Barnfind back in the workshop now Mark's is done
Gave them both a bath
As I mentioned before, the ESP was in a grump reporting 'G200 lateral acceleration sensor implausible'. There was a broken sensor in the footwell, and a replacement with a Prestige stock number on it in the centre console so I thought I'd pop the passenger seat out and have a crack at that today.
I was slightly annoyed by what I found:
The carpet has been torn up to get to the sensor

There's a 3rd broken sensor here, and some hacked up wiring
No idea what all the gravelly stuff is - its some sort of plastic crystals, possibly dessicant? I vacuumed all that up and got a closer look at the hacked wiring. I have no idea why this is all mangled since it seems to still have the original connector
I cut a good connector off a scrap harness and used heat-shrink crimps and Tesa tape to repair the harness, then fitted the Prestige sensor in place
Unfortunately, this wasn't actually the problem - even with two known-good sensors the fault remained, so I swapped the ESP ecu and the fault was gone

It needed coding and the steering angle sensor calibrating, and now all the drivetrain modules are clear of codes except for the ecu reporting 'crash signal implausible' which I think is the airbag unit so I'll swap that tomorrow.