My brother & sister in law bought me a book for Xmas called 'The Grumpy Driver's Handbook' by Ivor Grump (honest!). My family thought it was a great joke for some reason I didn't really understand.
Now, stick with this; it's worth it!
In a section called 'Car Characters' (which he considers to be nutters), there is 'Car-Cleaning Man' as follows:
"Like the man who insists on doing his own vehicle repairs, there are people out there who insist on cleaning their own cars every week. What is the point of the expanded EU if it's not to give jobs to Bulgarian hand car washers? You pay £10, drive in, they wash your car, it's done. It's a much better solution than those clanky car cleaning machines that rip off your bumper, your aerial, your wing mirrors and leave your car aerodynamically improved, but accessory free.
The alternative is to waste two hours every Sunday when you could be reading the newspapers, hitting a golf ball, watching sport or simply down the pub.
Car-Cleaning Man has no demands on his time whatsoever. He's a tidy, fussy obsessive, the kind of guy who loves routine. He will wash his car the same way, with the same cloth procedure, chamois leather, Turtle Wax, Simoniz, etc. At the end of it, he will stand back and think 'My car is in showroom condition'. But if it's a Kia Sorento, all it is is a Kia Sorento in showroom condition.
[At this point, my family were nodding with full agreement,
but read on....]
You could understand it if the car were an eye-popping Audi A8....because then it would be like a true act of worship for a bit of modern automotive art."
[it really does say this - honest!]
He then goes on a little more, but there's nothing so profound as this. Please feel free to quote it when you're being ridiculed for cleaning the car again!
The book is published by Portico, ISBN 9781906032791 if you'd like you're own copy.
__________________
2002 Final Edition S8. Ebony black with Silver Grey leather and myrtle wood trim.
Current mods: solar sun roof, 20mm rear spacers, 15 mm on front, red brembo callipers, 6k headlights, rear view camera, engine remap, alloy dash dial rings, alloy navi rings, tt/phaeton pedal upgrade, (and custom matching foot rest) dension ipod interface & parrot hands free kit (both fully hidden), av input, tv in motion switched thro' PF switch in blanking plug right of steering column, Audi 'quattro' sill covers, repositioned centre console switches, radio clock, .
Planned mods: auto-dimming rear view mirror, dash cam (as steamship's), fit the ski hatch, refit philips drl's (or maybe not - nope, definitely not - horrible botch!).