If you've served you'll understand

[Conan_the_Librarian]

Things to consider whilst adjusting to Civvy street:

1. Speech:
•Time should never begin with a zero or end in a hundred; it is not 0530 or 1400. It is 5:30am or 2 in the afternoon.
•Words like "pit", and "PT" will get you weird looks; use bed, workout, get used to it.
•"FuKc" cannot be used to replace whatever word you can't think of right now. Try "um" instead.
•It's a phone, not a radio, conversations on a phone do not end in "Roger That" or "Out"
•People will not know what you are talking about if you tell them you are coming from NCHQ with the 2 and a half or that you spent a deployment with the RN.... no more acronyms

2. Style:
•Do not put creases in your jeans.
•Do not put creases on the front of your dress shirts.
•Do not refer to your suits numerically; your best jacket and trousers are not your number 1's
•Wearing a hat indoors does not make you a wren; it makes you like the rest of the world.

3. Women:
•Being divorced twice by the time you are 23 is not normal. Neither are 6 month marriages, even if it is your first.
•Marrying a girl so that you can move out of the barracks does not make "financial sense". It makes you a retard.

4. Personal accomplishments:
•In the real world, being able to do lots of press-ups will not lead to automatic promotion or help your career in any way.
•Most people will be slightly disturbed by you if you tell them about people you have killed or seen die.
•How much pain you can take is not a personal accomplishment.

5. Drinking:
•NATO is an organisation, not the way you want your tea made
•In the real world, being drunk before 5pm will get you a written warning (or sacked), not a pat on the back from your boss.
•Shouting "Naked Bar" at your works Christmas party will have no effect.
•That time you drank a bottle of Absinth and shat in your pals suitcase is not a conversation starter.

6. Bodily functions:
•Farting on your co-workers and then laughing hysterically while you walk away may be viewed as "unprofessional".
•The size of the dump you took yesterday will not be funny regardless of how big it was, how much it burned, how much it smelled..... or how clear the photo is.
•You can't make fun of someone for their disability, no matter how funny the ailment is.

The human body:
•Most people will not want to hear about or see your balls. Odd as that may seem, it's true.
•If your arse is sore, don’t ask your colleague on the next desk if he can see what’s wrong with it.

7. Spending habits:
•One day, you will have to pay for the things that keep you alive; heat, light, shelter, food, doctor, etc, etc
•Buying a £30,000 car on a £16,000 a year salary is a really, really stupid idea.
•Spending money on video games instead of on nappies is wrong.

8. Interacting with civilians:
•Making fun of your neighbour to his face for being fat will not make you popular in the neighbourhood.

9. Real jobs:
•They really can fire you. On the flip side you really can quit.
•Screaming at the people that work for you will not be normal. Remember they really can quit too. You can't tell your secretary to "follow it down" if she drops her pen. And taking naps at work will not be acceptable.
•Sport is no longer part of your working week. Wednesday afternoons are for work, just like every other afternoon

10. The Law:
•Your civvy boss, unlike your CO, can't save you and probably won't. In fact most likely you will be fired about 5 minutes after he finds out you've been arrested.
•Even McDonalds do background checks, and "conviction" isn't going to help you get the job
•Fighting is not a normal thing and will get you really arrested and/or fired, not yelled at on Monday morning before being asked if you won.

11. General knowledge:
•You can in fact really say what you think about the Queen in public.
•Pain is not weakness leaving the body. It's just pain.
•They won't wear anything shiny that tells you they are more important then you are. Be polite.


Finally
12. Read the contracts before you sign them - remember what happened the first time...!!!

[tonupkid]

LOL
There's a few corrections could be made, but its better if you work them out for yourself, out here

[The_Laird]

LOL too! But some of that perhaps should be amended on civvy street

[graynada]

It all had me laughing but the tears came at:

Originally Posted by Conan_the_Librarian

Things to consider whilst adjusting to Civvy street:

•Do not refer to your suits numerically; your best jacket and trousers are not your number 1's

I would have added, you get to chose what you wear from now on, which can be hard. I'm still on pussers socks after 12 years out and my work wardrobe consisted initially of black trousers, white shirts, and assorted ties. This way I didn't have to make a choice because whatever tie would go with it, but avoid black ties, civvies will assume your off to a funeral, military will assume you've lost your epaulettes.

[Conan_the_Librarian]

Originally Posted by graynada

It all had me laughing but the tears came at:



I would have added, you get to chose what you wear from now on, which can be hard. I'm still on pussers socks after 12 years out and my work wardrobe consisted initially of black trousers, white shirts, and assorted ties. This way I didn't have to make a choice because whatever tie would go with it, but avoid black ties, civvies will assume your off to a funeral, military will assume you've lost your epaulettes.

ROFL

I have a buddy who joined the Corps of Commisioners. He took the badges of his Chiefs Nos 1s and went to work in his steaming bats!!!!

[sloss]

and went to work in his steaming bats!!!

Translate please for this civvy who doesn't want to ask his son who is still 'in'.

[David's8]

My other half almost had to revive me after I choked laughing (i was taking a sneaky peak whilst we had company).

I have worked wonders in getting my work colleagues to refer to going for drink to going for a "run ashore" and my children now react to "call the hands". It is said that many civvie employers really do appreciate the finer attributes of character development that a few years in the mob bring! but bear in mind the points raised by CtL!!

PS. Do NOT refer to the chefs best efforts by the names usually used by matelots. Baby' heads, sh!t on a raft and train smash are not something recognised by G Ramsey and pals..

[graynada]

Getting the kids to do call the hands was easy, they've always fought against evening rounds though

Steaming bats are standard issue footwear for sea going in the RN. They are sort of ankle high boots with an anti slip, anti static sole. I think my last pair went mouldy eventually and so had to be thrown out so I can't supply a picture.

[Conan_the_Librarian]

Originally Posted by David's8

PS. Do NOT refer to the chefs best efforts by the names usually used by matelots. Baby' heads, sh!t on a raft and train smash are not something recognised by G Ramsey and pals..

Ahhhh Train Smash! Pot Mess and Pigs In. Joy!