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Daily banter For everything, and anything that doesnt fit in elsewhere |
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Christmas Party Time
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees DATE: October 1, 2012 RE: Gala Christmas Party I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time! Merry Christmas to you and your family, Patty Company Memo ------------------------------------------------------------ FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: October 2, 2012 RE: Gala Holiday Party In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now? Happy Holidays to you and your family, Patty Company Memo ------------------------------------------------------------ FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: October 3, 2012 RE: Holiday Party Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy. REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED. Company Memo ------------------------------------------------------------ FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director To: All Employees DATE: October 4, 2012 RE: Generic Holiday Party What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first. There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!? Patty Company Memo ------------------------------------------------------------ FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Fu*king Employees DATE: October 5, 2012 RE: The Fuc*ing Holiday Party I've had it with you vegetarian pri*ks!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your fuc*ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! The rest of you fuc*ing wierdos can kiss my ass. I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, The Bitch from Hell!!! Company Memo ------------------------------------------------------------ FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director DATE: October 6, 2012 RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay. Happy Holidays! Joan
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Men have feelings too. For example we feel hungry..... |
#2
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LOL. Sent it to all employess at work. If it gets to HR, I'll probably be looking for a new job.
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2002 Final Edition S8. Ebony black with Silver Grey leather and myrtle wood trim. Current mods: solar sun roof, 20mm rear spacers, 15 mm on front, red brembo callipers, 6k headlights, rear view camera, engine remap, alloy dash dial rings, alloy navi rings, tt/phaeton pedal upgrade, (and custom matching foot rest) dension ipod interface & parrot hands free kit (both fully hidden), av input, tv in motion switched thro' PF switch in blanking plug right of steering column, Audi 'quattro' sill covers, repositioned centre console switches, radio clock, .Planned mods: auto-dimming rear view mirror, dash cam (as steamship's), fit the ski hatch, refit philips drl's (or maybe not - nope, definitely not - horrible botch!). |
#3
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:rofl:
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Andy. Current cars: BMW i4 M-Sport Peugeot 207 (the sons) Triumph Daytona 675 (2017 reg) =========================== Gone but not forgotten Ford Focus ST-2 Mk3 (the wifes) (stolen Oct 2023) 1972 T2 Bay Window Camper (Slow) Audi TT Mk1 225 - now with coil-overs and a 7inch touchscreen infotainment centre 2003 A8 Sport 4.2 (with ACC & LPG) (Feed up with all the issues so passed it on to a forum member) 2000 A8 FL QS 4.2 (with RNS-E - Nice) (Engine poorly so sold on to be brought back by someone who has the time) |
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